I’d like to think that people come to this blog for life-altering advice, cake decorating tips, and truth bombs. In that order. That’s what I’d like to think. So here’s the moral of this post, children, let’s get it out of the way – follow your dreams. You can be anything you want! Want to learn how to fly an airplane? Do it. Want to hunt quails? Try it out. Want to create a startup website called Rationalpies? Where people can go when they’re feeling guilty about indulging in unhealthy food, only to be greeted with automated, personalized justifications? Well, don’t. That’s my idea.
My point is, it’s never too late to switch gears. All you have to do is declare your ambition as factual, and you’re already about 3/4 of the way there.
Here, I’ll show you an example.
I have declared it, and it is so. Let me explain.
This cake was a birthday cake for a kid named Robert. He’s the son of my high school pole vaulting coach. Robert is a cute child. Robert loves the animated film “Madagascar,” staring beloved icons such as Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Ross Gellar, and Will Smith’s wife. Robert wanted a Madagascar-themed cake, and I said, Robert, ask and you shall receive.
Falling back on old habits, I immediately started to cook up overly-ambitious plans in my brain-region. I will sculpt the likenesses of each main character, and they will be anatomically correct. I will make a 10-tiered cake, each tier depicting a pivotal scene in the movie. I will write, produce, and direct a sequel to Madagascar 2, completing the inevitable trilogy. For you, Robert.
I ended up settling on the sculpting thing. And I narrowed it down to just Ben Stiller’s character, Alex the Lion. Remember the declaration I made earlier, about being a sculptor now? For all the good it did, I might as well have declared that I’m a Civil War era general. Or a master of languages. Or
At the very least, I knew that fondant alone would not cut it for this one. So I experimented with modeling chocolate. I bought it this time, because the last time I tried to make it, it was a disaster. And I felt pressure to make this thing attractive, because four year olds are brutally honest. They are also liars.
Once the time came to actually sculpt, I froze. I had no idea what I was doing. But I sort of fudged it, and the end result wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. After I sculpted the modeling chocolate, I covered it in fondant, and then I put on the rest of the details.
I planned this thing out way ahead of time, but there was one detail that I kept putting off – the mane. Alex’s mane is this ridiculous trapezoidal shape, and I knew from the get-go that I would have issues solving that structural issue. So I did the rational thing, and put it out of my mind until the night before the cake was due. I started racking my brain for creative solutions, and when “Pocky” popped into my headspace, I never looked back. I ran over to a local asian market, assuming that they would have Pocky. And they did. Of course they did.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Pocky – it’s a tasty japanese snack. A small dowel made of biscuit, covered in chocolate. About 50 to a pack. If you’re in a mall, and you pass a store that sells nerd paraphernalia, you will most likely find Pocky.
So I run over there, and find that they have a full stock o’ Pocky. But I notice that there is no price listed. “Kind sir,” I addressed the gentleman behind the counter, “what is the price of this Pocky, I wish to purchase a box or perhaps two,” to which he replied, “$1.99.” In the nerd stores, Pocky will cost you between $4-$5 per pack. So like an American nicotine addict in Eastern Europe, I stocked up. Actually, a camel finding a drinking hole is probably a better analogy.
I used less than two boxes for Alex’s mane.
So I think the cake was a success – I asked Rob Sr. and wife Lisa to snap some photos of the action, which they did.
In all Rob’s glory
Seriously, though – Rationalpies.com – thoughts?
Pretty sure this is how I will make my millions.
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