Alright. So this week's cake was a dud. In more ways than one. But when I made a vow, a solemn vow, the most legit vow you can imagine - to bake and decorate a 6 inch cake every week for a full year - I told myself Kristin, there are going to be ups, and there are going to be downs. Get over it. After deciding that my guiding voice is too sassy for its own good, I reasoned that it was probably right, and that I shouldn't get too down on myself. So here's the cake. I love it about as much as I love reduced-fat blueberry muffins. Which is not very much.
They're not terrible, but...you know.
The reason for this sub-par cake was basic lack of foresight. I usually brainstorm potential cake designs during the week, sketch them out, and think about what road block I might hit during the execution. Not this wee. I woke up Sunday morning with a cake in the freezer and a vague idea of what I might try to do.
It all started with Antiques Roadshow. After seeing this woman flip out after hearing how much her collection of jewelry made out of human hair was worth, I felt a renewed motivation as I unpacked the cake and buttercream.
Then things took a turn. My idea for this cake stemmed from an old sort of tentative plan I came up with a while ago. Whenever I roll out fondant and use shape cutters to make cut-outs, I'm always surprised at how awesome the leftover fondant looks - that is, the negative space created by the shape cutters. So in my hasty plans I decided to give that notion a whirl - make some cut-outs and use the negative space to decorate the cake. I was already worried about the lame-ness of my idea, and to make matters worse, this asshat situation reared its ugly head again.
I was furious, because I've never had to deal with this nonsense before last week. Luckily, I think I know what the problem is. Recently I've been going a little microwave crazy. Heating up the fondant before kneading it is a great way to make it easier to handle, but it's important to let it cool before wrapping the cake, or else it breaks down. Long story short, I have no patience, and this is a problem.
I decided to use simple circles and primary colors, which may have been my first mistake. Primary colors are almost never a good idea. So I made these panels and just sort of threw them on willy-nilly, hoping that it would turn out well. It didn't. I then decided to fill the cut-out holes with the cut-outs themselves, which I now realize defeats the purpose of the whole original concept.
Luckily I wasn't forced to look at this underwhelming cake for very long, because Young Joseph (brother) and girlfriend (Kateri) came down for dinner that evening, and it was dismantled. I wrote "Happy Anniversary" on the cake because a few days earlier had been my parents' thirtysomethingth wedding anniversary, and it seemed appropriate.
About the cake innards. This week I decided to branch out and use a red velvet recipe. So far I've been devoted to the trusty buttermilk recipe because it's relatively easy and always reliable. But I was getting complaints. So I tried something new. The result was, well, awful, and if you ask my mother, she'll tell you all about it. This face sums up her attitude about this cake. Completely. It's perfect.
Mom: This cake is really bad.
Me: I know.
Mom: Like, ree-heally bad.
Me: I know! Alright?! I get it.
Mom: What! What do you want?! Want me to lie to you? It's bad!!
This conversation happened more than once over the course of the evening, which was great.
Kateri offered some constructive criticism; turns out I may have used too much food coloring, a mistake that is known to result in a dried-out cake. WHOOPS.
So the cake was a bust, Joey ate too many raviolis, and "the shocker" ended up being a subject of conversation at one point. Overall, it was a successful family dinner which, as always, ended with a fashion show.
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